Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Weigh-In Wednesday - Week Four

I knew it was going to happen.  Although I crossed a milestone of losing 10 pounds this week, the scale just wasn't doing very much.  I knew I needed a big loss last night and it probably wouldn't happen.  Plus I had dinner at like 9:30, that never helps.

But I'm fine with it.  I know I'm doing everything right.  It's just going to take longer, which sucks, but it's okay.  Also I looked at my weight loss chart from 2002 and I only lost 1.5 pounds on week 4 that time too.

That's also why I didn't post a "Tuesday Tales" this week because I was freaking out last time and lashed out about everything, even my readers.  I don't need to do that this time.  I get what's going on with my body and I'll wait for it.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015


I'm pretty overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the weight I need to lose.  I knew it was bad but it wasn't until I lost my first 10 pounds that it really hit me.  It's overwhelming.  And this is why I haven't posted my weight, nor really how much weight I want to lose.  I think seeing that number is just too much for me.

For me, I think I have to look at it as a series of goals.  Obviously each 10 pounds is a goal.  Going into a new weight digit is a goal: 230s, 220s, etc.  Weekly weight-loss is a goal.  Onederland is a goal.  Going down a clothing size is a goal.  If you look at it in tiny pieces I think it becomes more doable and less overwhelming.

It's good to have long term goals.  I want to climb this stupid mountain in the Adirondacks called Panther Mountain.  I climbed it once before many years ago and cried when we reached the top.  That makes it sound like it's a tough mountain but people take their kids hike this mountain.  We were passing by 7 year olds skipping down the year I went up.  It's not supposed to be hard but it is.  It is for me.  Ever year Brian mentions climbing it again and I'm like no way.  But not this year, this year I want to do it.  I have to lose weight to be able to do it.  That's a long term goal.  I have to be consistent to make that happen.

But mostly it's the short term.  Losing 10 pounds should make me happy and proud, not overwhelmed.  So when I woke up the next day I was happy about it.  I don't see it as  I have to do that X more times, I just see it as I did it another day and a series of days resulted in losing 10 pounds.  Then I look to the next goal and try to make that happen.

Lose 2 pounds this week (it's not the end of the world if I don't, it's just a goal), keep getting out of this digit, get closer to Onederland, get closer to losing a dress size.  Wear the size 18 green dress for our Christmas party.  Wear the golden dress I could never fit into for our Oscar party.

Every day is a step and you put all the steps together to get somewhere.

Monday, October 26, 2015

A Lighter Chicken Alfredo - Sunday Dinner

dinner recreation

Well, I forgot to take a photo of my dinner creation.  And I gave the left overs to my mom so I couldn't even make something up later.  I decided to recreate the dinner using Polyvore so you could get and idea.

For the Skinny Alfredo I used  Gimme Some Oven's Recipe with a few tweaks.


  • 1 pound package of fettuccine
  • 1 Tbsp. olive oil
  • 4 cloves garlic, pressed or minced (I used minced garlic in a jar, very handy)
  • 3 Tbsp. flour
  • 1 cup chicken broth
  • 1 cup low-fat milk (I used 1%)
  • slightly less than 1 cup freshly-grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese (get from the cheese section of the grocery store and grate it yourself)
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1/4 tsp. black pepper


Start cooking the pasta according to package directions, in salted water.
Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a large non-stick saute pan over medium-high heat.  Add garlic and saute one minute stirring frantically with a silicone whisk until fragrant. Add flour in parts, and stir to combine in between. Saute for an additional minute to cook the flour, stirring.
Slowly add chicken broth, whisking to combine until smooth. Slowly whisk in milk, and bring the mixture to a simmer. Let cook for an additional minute or so until thickened, then stir in Parmesan cheese, salt and pepper until the cheese melted. Reduce heat to medium-low until the pasta is ready.
Have your husband drain the pasta because you are still stirring, then immediately add pasta to the saute pan with Alfredo sauce. Toss to combine.
I highly recommend following Gimme's instructions over mine but this is what I'll say about cooking this recipe.  I used my skillet to cook a lot of chicken and then cleaned the pan and started the Alfredo.  My pan was too hot and when I added the garlic it started to immediately scorch.  I dumped it (because overcooked garlic is a big no-no) and started over.  I considered adding the garlic after the sauce was made but I was afraid it wouldn't be cooked enough.  So I was just careful with the garlic, I added it and removed the pan from heat while I stirred it.
Also, when you add the cheese you are going to be certain it's not enough cheese but it is.  You do not need to add extra cheese.  Gimme used 3/4 cups, I used slightly less than a cup because I was serving 5 people and used a whole box of noodles.  I had plenty of sauce and it tasted fine, it was very very good.
With the small changes, my servings were six. Five people ate and there were left overs for one.  With the added pasta and slightly more cheese divided by six, I came up with 372 calories per serving for the pasta and Alfredo.
Served with the pasta I pan fried with a little olive oil the thin sliced chicken breasts.  I did them 2 at the time and sprinkled them with a little Montreal Chicken seasoning and basically seared each side for a couple of minutes.  I put them in the toaster oven set on low to keep warm like you would pancakes.  Each 3 oz chicken was 140 calories.
We also had a simple side salad and garlic bread.  I was careful with the garlic bread because 2 1/4 inch slice was 180 calories.  I had a 1 inch slice for 72 calories.
Brian bought the Olive Garden Italian dressing from Costco yesterday so I very sparingly added dressing to my salad. 2 tablespoons was 80 calories.  It was delicious.
My total dinner was 664 calories.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Weight Loss Milestone

I'm very happy to announce that as of today I have lost over 10 pounds.

Milestone 1: Complete

I celebrated by eating 1/2 of a Hershey's with Almonds candy bar.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Weigh-In Wednesday

I lost 2.8 pounds again!  I did get 3 readings from 3 places in the room (the floor is wobbly).  I chose the reading that was the most level (in the middle of the room).  There was a lower number but I could rock the scale a little and I didn't think it would be fair and I'd pay for it next week.

So, hurray-hurray.  I also have the lowest weight I've ever recorded on MyFitnessPal.  I had a short run of entries in 2013 that were skirting around this weight.

Now back to work!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Tuesday's Tale

Just like last week:  I had this idea that every Tuesday, unless something more important happens, I would copy a post or part of a post from my earlier blog days.

Yes, I've done this before.  Starting in May of 2002, I had an epiphany and began an online weight loss journey where I ended up losing about 67 pounds.   To recap, I started my old journey weighing 199 pounds (something I would LOVE to weigh right now).  By the end of week 2 I had lost 10 pounds and was in the 180s.  Wow, by today standards I was rocking it!

I chose this portion of a post because I think it's something that I think about a lot and I remember writing this the first time and thinking how true it was, it really resonated with me then and now.  This is in response to deciding not to go to the beach that weekend.

From June 2, 2002:
I wish I could have done it. It would have given me something to do this weekend. I feel rather weak that I couldn't do it. That I don't have more faith in myself as a person and my shell is just a shell. Changing the shell is fine but I shouldn't be so hard on myself in the meantime. I'm still a person. It's still me. I'll type with the same fingers when it's over, I'll love from the same heart, I'll kiss the same way, I'll still crave chocolate and consider it the best thing in life. I'm the same person and should love me however I am. 

 I just like how I write "I'll love from the same heart."  I think of that often when I'm watching TV with my husband and I know I'm overweight and I know I look terrible and I'm just hoping he can see past that and know my heart is the same no matter what weight I am.  When I re-read this post I knew it was the one.

I'm nervous about my weigh-in tomorrow.  My weight has been all over the place.  I don't trust our scale.  I was on my period this week and it's just been nutty.  I was smart enough to not weigh myself everyday, I've only weighed myself 3 times and that was because it went way down and then way back up and then today back to what it was on Saturday.

This eating late business worries me because I just feel like it affects my weight, not like long term, but for weighing in the next day.  I can only hope since it's practically every week that it will balance itself out, meaning I eat late every Tuesday so the scale will reflect that.

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram: Justnesting.  I'm trying to do a lot via Instagram since it's more graphic and short.  My blog is more deep reflection.  I discovered Canva and now I can't stop making graphics.  One of the things I really want to do is make Milestone ribbons.  As soon as I reach one I'll let you know what I mean but I'm very excited about it.

Monday, October 19, 2015

When Everything Goes Wrong

This is supposed to be a post about last night's Sunday dinner but what started out as great planning fell apart in the end.

The first mistake was eating McDonalds for breakfast.  It wasn't even 11am and I was down 470 calories.  And I wouldn't mind that so much if it was delicious but it was terrible.  It seems to set the standard for the day.

I wasn't going to eat popcorn at the theater and really in 100% honesty I didn't think I ate very much popcorn at all.  I counted it as 1/2 a small bag of popcorn but I think it was less than that.

For dinner last night I found a great recipe for a light Alfredo sauce.  I was going to make Fettuccine Alfredo and grill chicken breasts with a side salad.  When I started shredding my cheese it smelled a little funny and I realized I bought the wrong cheese and it was too late to buy any more.  I had to scrap the dinner plans and decided on BBQ chicken on the grill, rice pilaf, green beans, and a side salad.  I was grilling the chicken and I heard the grill make the tale-tale "wolp" sound and I knew the gas was out.  The tank was empty.

I brought in the half cooked chicken and finished it in a skillet with a little olive oil.  It was really comical at this point.  My mom cancelled last minute and I was more upset about that than I probably should have been.  Dinner turned out fine and my calories were still within range.

It was just a frustrating evening.  I wanted this post to be a good one with my light Alfredo recipe and it was also my 7th post, which I had decided would be the one where I would go "live" with my blog (tell my other blog) but I think it's too much of a downer now.

I've noticed that I'm having a little trouble coping when things get emotional or stressful.  I used to turn to food and it was very comforting and helpful.  I don't have that anymore.  People will say oh just exercise or take a hot shower but it just doesn't replace icecream or a chocolate treat.  It's not a huge issue, I'm not going to crack, I just feel a little down.  And I'm cussing more than I should, I need to cut that shit out.

The other thing I wanted to mention is, we're a society of obese people, It's common knowledge, and it's supposed to be like our biggest problem, we need to solve our obesity epidemic in America.  I know something that would be huge in this effort.  I have a really hard time seeing food commercials all the time.  I'm not saying that food companies should end all food commercials but maybe not have food commercials after 9 pm.  If obesity is such a huge problem for Americans then that shouldn't be such a big deal.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Weigh In Wednesday

Drum roll....

I lost 2.45 pounds this week!

I'm a little surprised because I lost 1 pound from just yesterday and I didn't think that would happen because we ate dinner after 10pm (ugh) and I'm about to start my period at any moment.

So this is very thrilling.  My total weight loss in the past two weeks is 6.5 pounds.

I keep day dreaming about my size come Christmastime.  I'm just very excited to be making this change in my life.  Even though it's only 6.5 pounds, which is small potatoes compared to what I need to lose, I really didn't think I could do this at all so I'm just surprised in myself that I made the leap of faith and feel really good about my future and pushing on in the weeks and months to come.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Tuesday's Tales

I had this idea that every Tuesday, unless something more important happens, I would copy a post or part of a post from my earlier blog days.

Yes, I've done this before.  Starting in May of 2002, I had an epiphany and began an online weight loss journey where I ended up losing about 67 pounds.  My starting weight was 199 pounds but I lost like a shit-ton the first week and was in the 180s by close of my second week.  Like. so. unfair. 

Anyway the post I'm going to share came from my epiphany day on May 20:

Turning the Corner

I've been dreading this post because I'm really afraid of jinxing the whole thing. But, I think I have turned a corner. Since Friday night I have had a whole new outlook on food and god I hope it stays. My biggest fear right now is that it won't and any moment I'll start stuffing my face with food thinking it will solve something. If anyone reads this please keep your fingers crossed for me. I could use the support and encouragement.

There's a lot I want to say about it but my fear overtakes me. I'll just say this. I read so many blogs last Friday about weight loss. So many people that remind me so much of myself. The desperation, the despair. And I don't want to be that way anymore. I don't want to wake up at 300 pounds and realize what a terrible mistake I've made. I don't want to continue the path I'm on and end up 300 pounds with no more enlightenment than I have where I am now.   

So instead of thinking about food, food, food all the time I'm trying to think about clothes, clothes I wish I could wear, clothes I own and can't wear, outfits I would be wearing, how my underwear will feel, how it would feel to sit at my vanity and not have the tummy resting on my legs. Not to panic about summer and sticky-leg-syndrome and having to walk with my upper legs still and using only the lower part of my legs to walk. Not to have my bra cutting into my flesh causing ugly pink marks that burn when I take my bra off.

So that's where I am. I'm ready for the journey.

The obvious thing that sticks out is how do I stop this cycle?  I was basically 200 pounds and knew I was in trouble and somehow managed to lose all that weight and I'm telling you I almost immediately starting regaining weight, was immediately freaked out and frustrated.  How am I going to stop it from happening again?

We were watching The Late Show last night and Stephen Colbert was talking about this new medical device called The AspireAssist.  And it was like a joke, haha, fat people eat like the pigs and they use a tube connected to their stomach to remove the excess food from their stomach into the toilet.  And to me it was like, people, don't you see, this is a real thing, people are willing to have a tube connected from their stomach to the outside of their body to stop them from gaining weight, that's how hard it is.  I'm so tired of people thinking eating 1200 calories a day is easy, it's not easy, it's hard, it sucks all the time, all I think about is food now, it's terrible, and I'm not even dropping a lot of weight, it's slow and painful and mind numbing.  The AspireAssist isn't funny, it shows everything that's fucked up about being an obese person.  Stop judging fat people.  It's no different than a lost soul who's hooked on heroin.  It's exactly the same except you don't tell a drug addict that they still have to take a little bit of drugs 3 times a day and maybe a snack too, but just a little bit.  It's easy, just cut back!

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Sunday Dinner - Chicken Cacciatore

On Sundays I cook dinner for my family.  Brian's parents live next door so they come over and my mom comes over too.  I've been doing this for about a year but now that I'm watching what I eat I thought it might be an interesting idea to post recipes or use Sunday dinners to discuss the dinner in general.

The first week was easy. One of my favorite meals also just happens to be healthy and low in calories.  This is a recipe my mom makes since I was a child, a modified version of the Betty Crocker recipe from the red and white checkered books I think all housewives of the 70s owned.

Since I started cooking this recipe I sort of combined it with my regular spaghetti recipe so it's generally a runnier spaghetti sauce with chicken breast served over rice. 

1/4 cup olive oil
1 package of skinless boneless chicken breast (I trim off the fat and that corner grissly part and cut into thirds)
1 onion chopped
1 glove of garlic (I use the chopped garlic that comes in a jar, I eyeball about a teaspoon)
1 - 28 oz can of peeled italian tomatoes
1 - small can of tomato sauce
1 - teaspoon dried oregano
1 - teaspoon dried basil
2 - Tablespoon dried parsley
2 - Tablespoon sugar (do not leave this out! the sugar takes out the metallic taste of the can tomatoes, this is the secret ingredient)
1 - teaspoon salt
1/2 - teaspoon pepper

Heat 1/4 cup of olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.  Cook the chicken until browned but not cooked all the way through.  Remove.  I rinse the pan if it's a little browned and wipe with paper towel and return to the stove.  Add a little more olive oil and cook the onions and garlic until soft.  Return the chicken.  Add the tomatoes and tomato sauce and then add everything else.  While it's heating up I stir everything around and try to cut up my tomatoes into smaller pieces.  A smarter person would use a food processer to chop the tomatoes and then add them to the sauce but I use kitchen scissors to cut up my tomatoes until they are the consistency I want them, still quite chunky.  Once everything is mixed in and the dish boils, turn the temperature to low and let it cook for at least a half hour but not over an hour, I did that once and my tomatoes were no longer chunky.  Cook rice following instructions.  You can also serve with pasta but I like using rice for this dish.

My serving was 1 cup of rice, 3 oz of chicken (that was about 2 pieces), and a 1/2 cup of tomatoes or so.  Usually I serve with garlic bread but I forgot because I was dieting and a nice side salad. 

This dish I worked out to be 450 calories, most of which is the rice.

Thursday, October 08, 2015

Weigh In Thursday

I started this diet on October 1st and for some reason I thought that was on a Wednesday.  All week I've been thinking, wow, Weigh In Wednesday has a great ring to it, what a happy accident how that all worked out.  But the 1st was on Thursday and Weigh In Thursday just doesn't have the same ring.

So, here's the deal.  I lost 1/2 a pound since yesterday so I'm going to split that half pound into 1/4 pounds because that's like nothing and give 1/4 to this week and 1/4 to next week and start Weigh In Wednesdays starting next week.

On to the weight loss.  I lost 4.05 (I know, .05, right?) pounds this week.  Pretty good start.  Whoo hoo.

Later in the game when I'm not so embarrassed about what I weigh I'll include my current weight, but not just yet.

Today is also my 10th Wedding Anniversary with Brian.  I thought it would be a bigger deal and we'd take a huge vacation (cruise!) but instead we are going out for sushi tonight at the most exotic restaurant in town (no joke, it's a pretty awesome place).

I weighed 204 pounds when I got married.  I could not lose a freaking pound for my wedding.  Most people drop a lot of weight before they get married and I gained a few pounds like an idiot.  The seamstress had to let my dress out on my second fitting.  It was humiliating.  The stress of planning a wedding on a teeny-tiny budget and combining multiple families and making sure no one feels left out really took it's toll on me.  And then we had constant rain the 3 days leading up to our wedding and had to move our wedding and reception the day before the wedding, it was nuts.  I'M EATING THESE FRENCH FRIES MOTHER!
But hey in hindsight, I would love to be 204 pounds right now!

Hey, happy sweaty couple.  Marriage is my favorite and your love for each other is pretty special.

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

On The Importance of Planning

Every year Brian and I buy this local coupon book.  The most common coupon is buy one get one free and there's a lot of restaurants in the book from nice restaurants to fast food.  It helps us try new places and saves us some money.

Last night after Brian played basketball he picked me up and we grabbed the coupon book and decided to go to Sonic.  I had about 650 calories saved up so I thought I was doing really well.  I was even thinking about getting some tater tots.  Our coupon was for buy one sonic burger get one free.  I looked up the calorie information for a Sonic burger and about fell out of my chair.  Without cheese, the Sonic burger has 690 calories!  I hesitated but since I had the calories that's what I went with (otherwise our coupon wouldn't work).

And I like Sonic burgers, don't get me wrong.  But I like them about 500 calories worth.  It was just disappointing.  After I finished eating I wanted my calories back.  I thought of all the things I could eat with 690 calories and it would not have been that.

Today, for this post I looked up the information again and there's a Jr. Deluxe burger for 360 with all the fixins.  I remember I used to eat there when I dieted before.  I must have ordered the Jr. Deluxe Burger.

Plan. plan. plan.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

I Broke a Pier Plank

So, something horrifying happened over the summer.  I broke a pier plank.

We were in the Adirondacks and like I always do I walked down the wooden pier past the boats to photograph the sunset.  And on my way back, I took a step on one of the planks and my foot went through.  I didn't get hurt or anything, I think my horror adrenaline took care of any initial pain.  Then every night after that as we looked out over the lake to the sunset I saw the hole I left.

To any normal person they would just think the planks are rotten, which they are.  But I broke the plank and I'm overweight so even if it wasn't my girth, the deed was done, the idea was there.  The fat girl broke the plank.

My weight has remained remarkably steady for years now.  The last time I lost some weight was the beginning of 2013.  I was trudging along and then the day after Valentine's day I woke up with horrible stomach pains.  A week and a half later (with a surprising additional weight drop) I was having an emergency appendectomy.  Which is good, that means I went into the hospital down about 25 pounds down from the beginning of the year.  I had some really crazy nausea afterwards and I decided to stop dieting until my stomach went back to normal and then I just never went back to dieting.  My weight went right back up where it was before and has been there for over 2 years.

And I think because of that I tried pushing my thoughts about my weight away because I was maintaining.  The scariest thing about being fat isn't the weight you are but that you are always, continually gaining weight.  So the fact that I was (virtually) the same for years gave me some reprieve, a lot of reprieve actually.

When I think about my weight, which is a lot, I think to myself that I've been through a lot of emotional pain due to my infertility and inability to have children, and I'm over 40 and need to back down on the vanity anyway, and I'm happy like this, right?  My husband thinks I'm beautiful and I can find decent enough plus sized clothes, and I'm sooooo overweight now anyway, it would be impossible to do anything.  Impossible.  Right?

Last week I got my hair cut short which means now I have to straighten it to not look like Shirley Temple and it's warm here and I was wearing underwear, sitting down, blowdrying my hair and my eyes drifted over to the full length mirror where I saw how large I was.  I couldn't believe it.  And I think that and a few other things really turned me around.  I have to try this.  I have to try.

I didn't know how this was going to go but I started last Wednesday recording my calories and I've been doing pretty good and feeling pretty good..  Tomorrow will be my first official weekly weigh in.  I'm excited and I want to document my journey.

Blogging has been spotty for me but I'm hoping to turn that around.  Hope you guys stick around.