Yes, The Plug, Did You Know There Was a Plug, Because No One Told Me About The Plug

I was trying to figure out why I’m so into starting this chart on Fertilityfriend.com, so much so that I’m going to start charting mid-cycle, just for fun. And I realized that it’s because I love charts. I loved charting my weight (when it goes down anyway), it’s a blast to make the chart and study the chart, I love it. I love counting calories (when I feel I have some control over it). I think that’s why I never took to WW, I wanted more NUMBERS. Numbers makes it fun.

So I bought a basal thermometer last night and practiced on the couch while watching terrible television. Cool I can do this. The important thing to remember about taking your basal temperature is to a) not get up and move about before taking your temperature and b) you’re supposed to get a good chunk of sleep in before waking and taking your temperature.

Last night, or rather early this morning around 6 am Bella decides she can’t get comfortable and must sleep near my head. Which is fine, I don’t mind the feel of a cat on the back of my head and front really if it’s not the butt area in my face. She hops on one side of my head, then the other, unsure what side she wants to be in, back and forth about a half dozen times. Then she jumps down and starts chirping and I realize I have to use the bathroom for like the third time that night. I’m back in bed and Bella sleeps in the optimum spot between my legs, which Aidan decides is a much better spot than beside me where he ALWAYS sleeps. So he’s pushing her and bullying her and it’s just too damn early for bullying. I push him off the bed and she jumps down.

I wake up to the alarm, alarmed. I smack the alarm off and settle back in to rest. I realize I’m supposed to take my temperature and jolt up, way too much jolting for a basal reading. I manage to get the thermometer in my mouth, lay back down pretending to be still and rested, though my heart’s beating through my chest. The damn thing never beeps. I take it out turn it off, turn it on, put back in my mouth and wait. No beep. It’s been like 10 minutes. Brian’s stepping out of the shower and I’m embarrassed to have a thermometer in my mouth. I take it out, mark the temperature that seems way too freaking high and re-explain to Brian what I’m doing and forgetting really what it all means.

I’m supposed to watch it, record it, I don’t know. I think it spikes when you’re ovulating but that means it’s too late. You’re supposed to catch it just before.

Should I mention the mucous? I skip the mucous. I don’t want to track mucous. Who knew mucous contained such valuable information. I don’t remember that part in Sex Ed. And really, I think I’d remember. All the ewwwing and oh gross and wondering about the effects of yeast infections and sexual arousal (they don’t go together BTW). There’s no check off for dry as the desert sand. Is that a DS or DATDS? DATDS has to be bad. DATDS is always bad.