Go Veggies, Though I Forgot That I Hate Veggies

I’ve had 2 major diets in my life. I suppose this would somehow qualify as being diet 3 seeing how I’m flirting so steadily with 200 pounds and have been forced to delve into Lane Bryant and wish to god there was something I liked in there just so something, god, something would fit me, look pleasant on me, be of cotton origin, and be reasonably priced. Why are there no bootleg black cotton chinos in Lane Bryant? That should just be standard practice. I don’t get it. I don’t want to wear polyester pants. Fat people wear polyester pants for god’s sake, stop forcing me into a stereotype.

My first diet I was in my young twenties, recently broken up with from a 5 year rocky, unfair relationship. I was home, I was angry, and I was young. I did low fat - remember that one? I angrily walked the treadmill to My So Called Life on MTV. My breakfast was 2 chocolate snackwells and a can Coke. Hey, every morning I got my 2 favorite things so it gave a depressed angry young woman a reason to get out of bed. I lost 70 pounds from 200something and people started calling me anorexic when I started dropping into the 120s. I guess I have big bones. I kept it off a while and was an amazement to my family. The next bad relationship put me at 150 pounds and I continued struggling up 20 down 20 until I hit 199 pounds and started this blog trying to figure it all out, which I guess I never did, and now I don’t even believe there’s some deep dark mystery. I just believe I want what I want when I want it even if I know it’s going to make me fat and I don’t want to be fat, the short term of eating what I want wins out over the long term of wearing cotton fucking chinos, you’d think it wouldn’t and I’d be smart enough to know what’s going on but for some reason I’m really not, maybe that’s what I should concentrate on is why I’m such a dumbass about food. Also I really think my metabolism is fucked up, which I know is lame to say, just deal with your whiney ass low metabolism and move on, but it’s hard, whine, whine.

My second diet was low calorie and when I could finally get my shit together I was eating like 500 calories and happy and fed up enough to do so. Weight fell off pretty quickly the first couple weeks and then I stalled and had to add calories and exercise. My regime was pretty much a small breakfast, usually yogurt, a large lunch out somewhere usually in the 600 to 800 calorie range and a small dinner, exercise for ½ hour, and watch television and dream about being skinny to my little heart’s content. I got down to what 131.5 for like a day and started back up to where I am now. It starts innocently enough. I can eat Reece cups AND wear my chinos. It only becomes a burden when there’s no chinos to be had anywhere (and yet plenty of Reeces).

I suppose if this is diet 3 my goal is to switch my lunch and my dinner. Dinner is what is killing me and fuck if I can manage to eat 200 to 300 calories for dinner, it’s just not going to happen. So I’m trying to save 800 calories or more for dinner, small breakfast and small lunch. I’m hoping it will work. I did alright on day 1 and day 2 though 1800 calories is reasonable if I weren’t a binge gimme gimme eater and had to watch that tendency like a 2 year old. I did dip below 200 pounds yesterday, so it’s a start I guess. Today I had some issues with left over Halloween candy. If it would just go away from the office refrigerator I’d be fine. I’m over full size candy bars from the vending machine and over icecream after dinner and now I just have to realize that 6 fun sized candy bars, spread out at 2 at the time is WORSE than a regular candy bar and hey I’m not supposed to eat candy anymore anyway for the future B-A-B-Y. What happened to fruit and veggies and healthy stuff. STOP EATING CANDY!

I have put up another set of photos at flickr. They are the photos that my stepdad took at the wedding. He has a really expensive camera but it’s got a lot of color saturation to it, liked added yellow or something. I knew this especially from my candlelabras looking green and they are really aqua. Also I wear red lipstick, not pink but you can really see my pimples in full force. Thanks expensive camera! Flickr also erased my descriptions. I reput them in and it looked like it was taking them out again but I think they are there. This is the first time I had a problem with Flickr. I’m rather upset about it, I really like Flickr but now I can’t even trust it to post what I write.