Yes Virginia There is a Backer Rod

Did you know the guy at Lowes has no freaking clue what “backer rod” is? He directed us to weather striping many rows over. I bought a $4.00 short row of flexible stryofoam to stuff in the spider gap at the top of the kitchen window. Seems wrong to cost $4.00. Backer rod is nowhere in sight though I could pull it up via google.com and printed a picture of the packet to take with me to prove I know what I speak of. “Backer rod” is a real thing.

Then we laughed at the blinds lady who told us heat registers (grates) are in “seasonal” but low and behold there it was in aisle 28 just as she said. New heat registers are the best purchase I’ve made yet. They are beautiful.

Last night a bug got stuck in the obnoxious orange sticky tents the bug guy makes place under sinks and by doors. This one’s by the back door in the laundry room that has, no lie, a 1 inch gap at the bottom of the door (we’re working on getting it fixed). The funny thing is the sticky tent was found on the other side of the laundry room. That little fucker manhandled his way to the other side of the room on that freaking tent. Shudder. That’s a big ass muscular bug.

Diet starts tomorrow and really I’m ready for it. The best part is during this last week I haven’t felt guilty for eating anything. It’s all about getting it out of my system. And now I’m ready.

Happy New Years!

Yo-Yo Whoas

I’ve been having these moments where I’ll think of something profoundly diet-like to say. Like how I think my eating has a lot to do with anxiety. How really it’s not any more deep than that. I feel anxious and food numbs it. And it does work, I don’t care what anyone says.

The sad fact is I’m some sort of sick yo-yo dieter. I suspect peers are pointing at me from behind my back and giggling at my deformity. It’s like my body’s geared to be some fat straw: fat in, fat out and I feel like any sort of metaphor you can think of, rubber band, elevator, trampoline…

Makes me nauseous just to think of it.

And food does help. It numbs. It comforts. It’s a great simple easy reward at the end (or middle) of a long (or not so long) day.

But damn, I don’t want to be fat. Fuck I hate the way my stomach feels right now. Right now this very second protruding from my caramel velour tracksuit. So it comes down to, in two days, what will replace food to banish my anxiety.

Eh.

Before you say working out can I just add, just for fun, that working out makes me anxious. That basically everything does lately. Laundry piles twice as fast now. Trash piles twice as fast. MLG does not like to put clothes pins on open bags food to keep bugs out because he thinks I’m a little freaky in that department. He just stuffs the bag back into the cereal box. Wide open.

We returned from Walmart the other night with more painting supplies. I looked at the kitchen with remodeling shit covering my dining table from one end to the other and felt woozy. It’s downright over-freaking-welming. It’s one miserable half white half dirty beige little room (with 12 foot ceilings). If you walk out of it the sheer magnitude of the work I have ahead of me hits me in the face with a loud hard whallop.

The thought of taking an additional hour 5 days a week to walk like a gerbil on a treadmill and watch Seinfeld reruns doesn’t help. I got shit to do man, and it’s going to take me forever.

I’ve been learning about cracks. How a little cracks easily remedied with a caulk gun, my pointing finger, and wet papertowels, lots of papertowels. How a medium size crack can be filled with lightweight spackling and a 1 inch puddy knife like icing a cake (sort of). How a bigger crack usually houses a spider that runs at you when you’re at that next step on the ladder that just starts to make you feel uneasy, like you’re unnaturally too high. You can climb down pretty damn fast nonetheless though you realize exactly how dangerous it all was after the fact when your pointing the bug spray 6 feet up an 11 foot reach. You haven’t yet figured out how to close the crack or what to stuff it with. It all means another trip to Lowes. MLG chides you one your ladder placement (too easy to break right through the 9 foot window) as he goes back up the wobbly ladder to spray the crack with bug spray, still in his suit after a 13 hour day.

I have to make this one snappy because I’m very busy today (happens when you take a week holiday). Here are some highlights:

MLG got me a digital camera for Christmas. It’s Olympus 5 megapixels and it rocks. I’ve only taken a few pictures with it and really need to “do” the house again.

I have organized the picts and see now where I need additional more clear shots (2nd bedroom, that means you).

We have started painting. Well if you call caulking and priming the bottom trim and half the windows (the um bottom half that I can reach). There are currently 2 ladders in the kitchen with my name on them. Hope to be on one in about 20 minutes. We’re painting the kitchen first (and really I’d have to say it’s the toughest room to tackle first). The color selection is Gossamer Blue by Benjamin Moore (but the website doesn’t do the color justice, trust me). Since Benjamin Moore was also clever enough to call a paint color “Purple Rain” I have been given the go ahead by MLG (a big Prince fan) to paint said purple anywhere I please.

We hit a deer on the way back from New York. When I told my mom of the tragic and frightening event she responded, “oh everyone does that.” Yeah, but can everyone use their 5.0 megapixel digital camera to document damage on site? I thought not. We are fine but MLG says the door on the driver’s side is causing damage to the frame or something or another and has been driving my car around town, though I’m the worst side seat driver in town. It’s his car now too. Diet coke was spilled on the passenger floor mat, which is a more horrifying story then the damn deer if you ask me. It was declared a no fault situation, though it’s really easy to blame the Beetles braking system. It’s quick and tight, and I’m a horrible driver anyway.

Going home to paint now.

PS – If you want the link to my very outdated progress pictures please email me. I’ll email you back the link. Though they’re old I tell you, old, very old. Like May and stuff.

Photo Opportunity

I have a photo album to share but I need to warn you. First there's no outside pictures because it was dark when I got home. Also, for some reason none of the dining room pictures made it when I uploaded them last night. I also want to have a diagram of the house that I need to draw and scan. Also most of the pictures are dark though I had all the lights on. So if you want to see the partially done album, click Here.

I think it works best to use the slideshow selection. One the slideshow has started you can hit stop and click the advance button yourself so it doesn't go too fast.

This, like the house, is a work in process. I'll be working on making it better and easier to look at as I go. I only had the digital camera for a night. I may be able to use it during lunch today and get some more pictures. Also the dining pictures are on in the computer at home. Plus I have a regular camera with pictures that I haven't processed yet.

So there's lots more coming, I'll let you know as changes are made.

I'm leaving for NY tomorrow morning and will return on Christmas Eve. I may not post until next Monday though I will try to post whenever I can. I will return and The Diet starts January 1 so you definitely want to tune in for that. Especially those here thinking it was some sort of Diet Journal. Imagine that!

Happy Holidays! Stay safe and happy.

Chocolate Trees

Well apparently I have trouble shopping for other people but that does not include myself considering I just spent $60 at Target. I did manage to get some wrapping paper, though I have no gifts to wrap, and a cookie press (as I will be a mad baker tonight), among other things to tidy the house or keep my feet warm. That's right, I'm the proud new owner of some Swell slippers. They are cute, though they do look a bit cheap.

Fucking ebay fucking pisses me off. I'm brilliant enough to buy Juicy Couture Velour sets there (for $90 for the set, yo), since apparently you can't buy a set anywhere else unless you want an XS top with XL bottoms or JUICY written in big ass words across your ass (and I can't even begin to understand why "Juicy" would be a good word on your butt). Then I write a little note to the seller, please let me know if I can get this overnighted, I have a FedEx number I can give you. Doesn't go through. Get a reply from the seller with a different email, congrats on your purchase, now pay me biatch. To which I write back, please let me know if I can get these overnighted, I have a FedEx account number I can give you, and I pay the full balance. I haven't heard back, not even, hey thanks for the prompt payment, hell no I'm not toting my ass down to Fedex, it'll be there when it gets there. Suffer ebay shopper. Nothing.

I wanted to wear it for Christmas.

And I just realized if it doesn't fit I can't return it. Enough to put me in a cold sweat I tell ya.

I have Boss Lady's digital camera on me and batteries are charged. Hopefully I can get house pictures up tomorrow. Get signed up on imagestation.com if you aren't already to see the house photo album when I get it done. As always please email me if you want the link to my pictures. You know back when I owned loose pants and was purtay.

But that's alright. That's what New Year's Resolutions are for. For now there's Reece's Christmas Trees.

Latest Developments

I managed to vacuum the rest of the house yesterday. I hate to vacuum. It's one of those things where the moment you finish you really, really need to do it again. Floors are never clean and hardwoods, they are definitely never clean. But they are better. I'm pretty sure my socks will be less dirty now.

As much as I hate vacuuming, I love doing the laundry. A sense of accomplishment and use of my organizational skills. Who could ask for more.

I also forced Aidan to come downstairs last night by wrapping him in a towel and carrying him down. He actually stayed downstairs and walked around for about 20 minutes and then went back upstairs. He's doing this thing where he does his Aidan-howl from upstairs and I keep thinking he's trapped somewhere but he's not, it's like he wants me to come upstairs.

Last night, Aidan did not wake us. I do believe we both sleep through the night. I did wake up at one point with MLG in the middle of the bed and both kitties at my feet and I felt like I couldn't move, which immediately makes me a wiggle worm and MLG rolled over and Aidan jumped off the bed.

I'm really loving the Christmas tree and will be sad when it has to come down. It smells so lovely and the light it gives off is amazing and soothing. I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want a Christmas tree. Like my mom. She has this metal tree from Smith and Hawkin. She likes it because it's clean and is artsy.

I probably got my hatred of vacuuming from her. I just leave the freaking needles on the floor. If I can live with the little specks of kitty litter I can certainly handle some needles.

I believe I have Christmas plans mapped out so I'll have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday after Christmas to begin painting. Something. Maybe the kitchen. Or maybe the living room.

Other than that we ordered a pizza and watched One Hour Photo trying to determine at what point we'd determine Robin Williams to be creepy and take our photos elsewhere. It was pretty early on.

Speaking of which I took the disposable camera (from the Adirondack trip) out of MLG's car and took the remaining pictures of the house. Now I just have to get it developed.

Hubcap is a Four Letter Word

Last night while attempting to be a good talented downtown parallel parking neighbor I scraped the tire on the curb and the hubcap cover came off. I was meeting my mom who was giving us such goodies as a kick ass Oriental rug and some soft sheets. We sat out in the dark trying to get my 5 month old scratched to shit hubcap back on the car to no avail. I’m telling you I was in tears again. What is it with this day was all I could think. MLG came home early with a splitting headache (early being 6:30). I wanted to go out to eat to chill out and make the bad day go away (yeah I don’t have food issues) and when we checked the mail my grandparents had sent me a giftcard to Applebees. Me thinks my luck is turning around.

Today I drove by VW on the way to work and the service counter guy popped it on in two seconds. Thank god I’m a girl or I’d feel really stupid.

This morning I was trying to get in my size 10 capris and they were obviously ill fitting (code for tight as all get out). MLG looked at me and I whined, “they’re supposed to be my baggy pants.” Then I put on my three quarters length cotton sweater also fitting rather tightly and said, “it’s supposed to be tight!” Well it was funny in a damn I miss size 6 sort of way.

If I could wear anything I want today I’d be wearing a knee length black skirt with black tights and a button down white shirt. Maybe a little vest over it for that preppy school girl look.

Damn I’d be adorable. Instead I’m ass squeezed into red capris and a tight faded black sweater.

I went Christmas shopping with MLG last night. We stopped at Best Buy after dinner and within the space of ½ hour he bought his brother and sisters gifts, most of the time spent trying to decide which DVD player to get his brother (I, name brand hussy that I am was pushing the Sony). Then we head to the mall and I spot a Nutcracker for my dad on sale at Bombay but I didn’t buy because a) that’s what I got him last year, b) I couldn’t decide which one to get. Then we went to Crabtree and Evelyn and fuck if I could decide shit there and one year I jammed a Christmas gift for my mom there but this year nothing stood out to me. Then we went to Bath and Body Works and all the selections and choices completely overwhelmed me and I was consumed that my stepmother would hate whatever I got her. Around the corner I bumped into the Gianna Rose display and I gasped because I’ve been trying to decide whether to order at Amen Wardy for my mom and uncle. But again, I couldn’t decide what to get because they didn’t have exactly what I wanted but I found a couple more things (overpriced) but they were too sporadic of selections to make sense of a gift so I got nothing.

I’m just saying it’s different for guys and girls, that’s all.

Crash

Spent most of the weekend sick with TOM. We missed the big party on Saturday that I bought the pink dress for. Friday night we had a party at home for MLG’s employees. It was really nice and everyone liked the house. After getting close to 20 hours of sleep on Saturday, MLG was calling me his kitty.

Speaking of, I don’t think I mentioned but Aidan does not come downstairs. It’s really the strangest thing. Bella, the supposed “scaredy cat” comes down from time to time but Aidan will only sit or perch on the top step and stare down for hours. If you try to carry him down he buries his head in your arm and now has gotten to where he does that body wiggle, scratch anything that bleeds maneuver that’s caused me to go okay be an upstairs cat then.

Last night around 2 am Aidan managed to knock over and break the mirror that attaches to my shabby chic vanity. It’s one of my favorite furniture pieces and after waking to the crash of a 3 x 2 foot mirror attached to a thick piece of wood falling and breaking I spent about a half hour crying that it was broken. I hadn’t seen Aidan all day and I woke up to him breaking one of my favorite pieces. It’s like he’s trying to hurt me. The mirror is specially shaped but MLG thinks it can be replaced. In any case it’ll cost money we don’t have and I have to find some way that it won’t happen again. It’s an old piece and the screws are loose, which made it easy to pull on and make it fall. I’ll have to play around with the screws tonight and see if I can get it more secure. Otherwise I may have to look for a new vanity that’s more secure. More money I don’t have. We need so much and my vanity really just needed to last as is for quite a while. I’m still pretty upset about it and pissed at Aidan.

Not easily scared, unless it’s 12 feet of stairs, Aidan fell asleep on my legs later though he was yelled at rather brusquely by MLG (not to mention the sound of the crash that landed Bella somewhere in the bathroom with the door shut).

I’m hoping to take pictures tonight (before shots) if my camera isn’t being temperamental. I have so much to do. I wanted to clean 2 of the bathrooms, vacuum (already seeing Aidan dust bunnies), get a load of laundry in, and start priming my end table. My mother’s supposed to come by so I doubt all that will get done.

Shy Wave

After I tried to post yesterday and broke into a cold sweat I realize a new blog observation: the longer you go without writing the harder it is to start back. You start thinking, damn I need something profound to speak of, and fuck if I’ve got that.

I will say this.

Moving is hard. It’s not like the other 2 times I’ve moved in with guys. Back when I was without fine lines (and Botox wishes) and furniture. And the guy had like two collector basketballs and we got to spend our first weekend shopping for a sofa that we actually wanted to look like something from 1990 (because it was 1990).

Now it’s two 30somethings and all their stuff, years and years of stuff, 2 households of furniture, a decade of collectibles, combined into one household. It’s hard. And I’m not the selfish bratty brat I used to be. I care about this guy and therefore can’t tell him to get his proverbial collector basketballs out of my living room.

I’m still trying to warm him to the idea of painting the dining room black*. I’ll let you know how it goes. I saw a Pottery Barn layout with a brown bedroom with a white fireplace and trim and it looks fabulous so I originally wanted it brown, which he was fine with (not surprisingly considering the following brown items owned and adored by one MLG: brown wood dining set, brown cloth napkins, brown dinner wear set, including the jug and serving platters). The whole freaking room would be brown and this frightened me. Then I saw the Sharon Osbourne Show and she had a lavender set with some dark wood pieces, not to mention the back ground colors of red (the color the living room will be) and blue (the color the kitchen will be) and it all looked good together. Mom was apprehensive until I told her to watch the show and she agreed, but yesterday at lunch I told her the black idea (and how I thought it was funny MLG didn’t freak right off and veto black right out of the bag**) and she spent the rest of dinner convincing me to paint it black.

*Side note on painting walls black: There’s specific rules to painting a room black that the folks at Trading Spaces (I’m looking at you Hildi) should keep in mind. One: must have a lot of outside light and I have 2 extremely large windows. Two: Must have a loads of trim that you can paint white (I have a fireplace, 2 doors, and 2 window frames). The room will not look black. It’ll look badass. You’ll have to wait for the pictures.

If it doesn’t get vetoed**.

**MLG has power of veto over all decorating choices.

I may do the bedroom in brown though we don’t have a fireplace in our bedroom.

Fun reading, eh?

Okay diet related stuff: I haven’t been dieting or exercising because I work my fingers to the bone when I’m home. I took off Monday and got up at 8:30 and didn’t stop until 6 that night. I ate lunch for 15 minutes and worked the rest of the day.

I’m exhausted people.

Let me preface this by saying I haven’t gained any more weight. It doesn’t make holiday dress shopping any easier.

I hesitantly ordered the pink dress from Banana Republic in a size 10. I immediately doubted myself and wondered why I didn’t order black and a size 12. On pins and needles waiting for the dress to come in and received it with a sigh and an announcement, “It’s time to get depressed.”

It fit (I actually prayed in the office restroom before trying it on that it would fit and I’m not even religious) but I’ve got rolls people, it’s not pretty. And seeing pantylines through a fit and flare skirt isn’t attractive. So as quickly as I was happy to only be spending $150 on a dress I spent last night on the verge of tears trying to find something to not give me a damn indention on my side or leg or butt.

But Victoria’s Secret had nothing that really worked and Belk’s was more depressing than Victoria’s Secret. I had this one piece bathing suit thing that I had to squeeze up and over my hips (size 36B) and thought I’d never get out of it. My whole body turned red, half blushed that I’d have to tell the saleslady I can’t get it off (horrors) and half marring my body ripping that spandex back off my legs. I went back to VS got the tube dress thing-a-ma-bob that I’ll probably return when I remember that it didn’t help and 2 kinds of control top pantyhose, plus two bras for everyday wear.

I’m going commando on party night. It’s all for the pantylines. $100 charged at Victoria’s Secret and I don’t even get to wear underwear.

And after that nightmare, trying on every shapewear VS and Belks carried, I swore it wouldn’t be like this next year marching back through the mall to the car, and promptly stopped at the cookie stand and got a cookie.

Why?

What is wrong with me? I had every intention of only getting a drink (depression makes you parched). The guy got my medium sized diet coke and said, “anything else?” and some voice coming out of my mouth said, “M&M cookie, please.”

I cursed myself back to the car and ate the cookie on the way home.

One last word on the dress. Raspberry Pink sounds way chic but it looks rather Mauve in person. Get the black.

I also almost had a holiday nervous breakdown upon finding out you can’t find 10 white tapered candles in this town. You can get blue, you can ever get orange, heck there’s even green, but if you want white you can forget it.

Poor MLG left the aisle to track down a helpful associate but none was to be found. MLG doubted they’d search the warehouse for candles anyway.

But why people, why? Order enough stock for your peeps. That’s all I’m saying. You’re Walmart, it’s not like you won’t sell them.