Older and Hungrier

Steps taken to break through this plat *cough* eau.

1. Reduced calories to 1200s
   
2. Try to eat more protein
   
3. Increased speed on the treadmill from 3.1 for 30 mins to 3.5 for 15 mins and 3.1 for 15 mins.

Is it working? Can’t tell you until Friday.

Ugh. Just had lunch with Lunch Buddy who’s talking quietly today so I can’t understand most of what she says. Or maybe since I’m 31 now my hearing has diminished and I’m reduced to being one of those people who scream, “Eh, what was that missy?” Maybe I can walk around with a waffle cone to put up to my ear to direct sound. I know what you’re thinking, I’d eat the waffle cone and it would be of little use for me. Yeah, yeah. Anyway we had lunch at a very loud local Italian restaurant and each had a slice of cheese pizza and split a chef salad. This is not the best way to keep your calories in the 1200s. The salad came out and I tell you no lie it was a pile of shredded cheese with a armload of salami. If you dig down for some lettuce you would find a garnish sized portion of iceberg gasping for air. I tried to take a small portion but Lunch buddy insisted I take half, even tipping the bowl at one point and offering her fork to help me scoop. So yes, not only have I downed a 400 or so calorie slice of pizza but about a pitcher of shredded mozzarella.

Way to go.

And I’ve actually had 2 good days. I’ve increased my treadmill speed for ½ the time seeing as how I don’t break a sweat anymore it’s a pretty good indicator that my workout is cake (some pun intended) when I'm not sweating and it just starts to feel like a very inconvenienced stroll in the bedroom. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I'm actually burning calories. So now I’m sweating my ass off. Odd how once 3.1 used to feel like I was running a marathon. So that would mean that I’m in better shape than I was when I started. I suppose this is supposed to make me feel good but walking a speed of 3.5-3.6 makes me feel a bit like a gerbil on one of those wheels. Thank god the cats aren’t in my bedroom when I work out. The last thing I need is to see them snickering elbowing each other going, “What’s she doin’ that for? Humans are nuts!”

And I actually felt honest to goodness hunger last night. It really sucked and I don’t see how I can feel that sensation long term. It was almost as bad as that bloated feeling after a binge. Very little difference as odd as that may sound.

Eleven hundred and twenty nine calories, one hundred seventy to go, 2 pm, great…

Weigh Day
Ah, no change. Such a bummer. I still feel strong though. Everything will be fine. I won't make my mini goal of 150 pounds by Halloween but it's not the end of the world. I'm still pushing for the 150s by October. Highly unlikely but fun to try.

Could be worse, I was 163 yesterday. Course I've been 161.5 at least 2 times this week, so... But it's cool. A gain would have upset me. This I can handle.

We're Gonna Have a Good Time

I gotta share the story about how I found out the entire company learned of my squabble with a coworker. Lunch Buddy opens the window and yells down to the guys in the shop, “It’s Diet Chick’s birthday, do ya wanna come spank her?” (Yes we may be in need of additional anti-harassment training, the video we got was way too damn funny to be taken seriously).

A guy in the shop replied, “We’ll let [insert coworker's name]handle that.”

I mean come on. But the whole cake experience went ok. They actually sang. We sing for no one but they sang for me. ::Blushing:: I had a couple bites of cake. It wasn’t nearly as good as I was expecting.

Dinner. Well let’s say dinner was interesting. My stepfather ended up joining us. I arrived at my mother’s house and my stepfather is out on the porch on the phone. He’s on the phone with Storyteller Guy and Storyteller Guy tells me Happy Birthday through my stepfather. I reply, “thank you,” as loud as possibly but retaining a huge amount of sexiness. Like I can pull off sexiness. I open my presents and we make it to my stepfather’s car, actually my brother’s car, but my stepfather’s been driving it (read: trashing it) since my brother got a DUI. My stepfather in on the phone again and proceeds to shush my mother. My mother turns to me and says, “I don’t miss this at all” and continues to talk to the ride to the restaurant. My stepfather talks to Storyteller Guy the whole time and my heart’s beating in my chest, Storyteller Guy virtually within inches from me, his voice anyway.

The restaurant was great. We went to my favorite restaurant in town. I fell in love with Sushi at this place when a friend let me try one of her California rolls a year or so ago. I was hooked ever since and this is my favorite sushi place. And it’s not even a sushi place. It’s a tapas restaurant so it’s all small portions meant to share. So I had bites of a lot of stuff but I don’t think I really ate all that much. I couldn’t wait for dessert but it was only ok so I really only had a couple bites of the dessert and all of the strawberries. But I still showed a gain today so whatever. I feel a strong sense of determination so all is good. I also think I shook my bad karma being around so much love last night. Boss Lady is taking me to the movies for my birthday this weekend so I feel that what happened the other day isn’t lingering. And maybe Boss Lady’s right. Maybe in some way it helps to clear the air and start fresh understanding what each of us feels. Cause what we felt supposedly was misinterpretation. I’m not entirely convinced but I’m willing to be nice anyway.

Suffer Bad Karma Gladly

I feel like someone stuck a Polynesian headdress on my head and pushed me towards a large bondfire. Then they expected me to dance around and make booga-booga faces. Then they laughed for a while and then threw me into the bondfire.

Now I gotta find someone in distress and help them or suffer the wrath of bad karma for eternity. Sigh.

Let’s just count it out, ok: 1) This curvy plateau thing-a-ma-bob that I’m on. Either I’m 162 or 161.5 ok Thinner Scale. Stop messing with my head, man. 2) Got into a squabble with a co-worker yesterday. Exhibit A, I haven’t bitched anyone out (it's very juvenile and embarrassing) since I was in like Ninth grade. I’m not the kind of girl that does this sort of thing. I can count my squabbles on one hand. What has this girl done to me that I need chain link fencing between us. 3) I’m sick with a cold. Not a bad cold to merit some sort of sympathy but just enough to feel like someone blew up a balloon in my head. 4) Everyone is mean to me. Not at work, which I would make perfect sense, but I was calling on past due invoices and people were mean. And what could I do? I deserve this treatment. It’s payback. It's karmic work in action.

And even with a balloon blown up in my head I still continue to exercise. I didn’t get on the treadmill until 9:45 last night but I did it and do you know why? There’s only one reason. I was tired as tired can be and ready to gag on Nyquil pills and slumber my last day of 30 away but I didn’t. I exercised hoping please god, to break this 162/161.5 nightmare and see something new like oh, I don’t know, 161 maybe. But no, it's 162, and I'm having dessert tonight.

Oh jeez, everyone in the shop knows I cussed out a coworker and made her cry. Isn’t there some old lady I can help across the street? Perhaps I should stop by Animal Control on the way home and rescue another kitten? I’m so completely embarrassed. Please god don’t let Boss Lady buy me a cake. I do not want to eat cake with everyone thinking I’m this terrible person who picks fights.

Put On A Happy Face

I know, I know, I didn’t post yesterday. I was off work yesterday and bored out of my freaking mind, but had little to say, and actually was ready to come back today. Then had a rough night, coughing, sneezing, achy head feeling, broke down and digested some Nyquil whose side effect has made me an evil person today. I’m serious. I’m evil. I got into a cat fight with a coworker. Not physical, not loud, but plain vile mean stuff. And I started it. I was shaking so hard, it was terrible. Sucks to get so worked up. I’m trying my best to blame it on the Nyquil. It does make you evil, you know. And now I’m an apologetic stuffy nosed evil person trying to return to smiling and playing nice. At least I’m not shaking anymore like I just murdered someone. Scary stuff.

My weight, ah, it’ll probably not be a good week. I’m determined to eat a real dessert tomorrow night for my birthday. It’s one night of the year and I’ve accepted the fact that I may not lose this week. It would happen despite the cake. My weight’s fucking with me making me even more evil.

Lunch buddy rocks however. She sides with me despite me starting it. It was a last straw type deal, though wrong, very very wrong. At least it’s over. I’m not building tension upon tension. I got it out. I’m fine now, really.

Horizontal Stripes

Ok, just for the record, I am happy about a 1.5 loss but the friggin scale said 161.5 yesterday dammit. And I had a good day yesterday and exercised, the whole bit. But you know whatever Weight. I can push back my goal weight day. No big deal. I wasn’t in any sort of hurry to go to the Caribbean anyway. Don’t mind me.

Lunch Buddy and I were returning from Lowe’s Food with our salad bar salads yesterday. Lunch Buddy brings up this little ditty.

Lunch Buddy: I know a lady who’s lost tons of weight on a Now and Laters diet.
Diet Chick: Huh?
LB: She only eats Now and Laters. She’s lost a ton of weight.
DC: The candy?
LB: Um-hum
DC: That sounds healthy
LB: Well she’ll have a small salad too. She eats the Now and Laters to hold her over
DC: That’s still a lot of calories
LB: Well maybe they don’t count when you only eat one thing
DC: Oh no, they count. Do you realize how many Now and Laters I can eat in a day? She must have cavities.
LB: It’s not that bad. As long as you go to the dentist.
DC: Now and Laters get all stuck in your teeth. It can’t be good.
LB: I could do it with Starbursts… or those mini-Twislers. Those are good.

I was later complimented with a backhanded jab in the back yesterday. Someone I know told me, “You’ve lost weight.” I say, “Yeah, a little.” She says, “You’re just up and down aren’t you?” I say in small whimper voice, “Well, the plan is to stay low this time.” Then she asks me what I’m doing and tells me I look good.

So I’m in horizontal stripes today to fool any other women who may notice my weightloss. It sucks to be a yo-yo dieter. People will look at me and only think it’s temporary.

If everyone would please be nice to me in the 5 days leading to my birthday of being even older and spinster lady that would be terrific. I see lines under my eyes and the stuff my dermatologist gave me is not helping. I have fine lines! They are not reducing in appearance. They are making a striking debut. Dressed all in boa feathers and shit. Go away! And that goes double for you little frown lines.

Life on a Couch

I haven’t got a clue what to write about today. Somehow I did show a small loss this morning though I’m really not supposed to be talking about it until Friday (weigh day) so I’ll say no more only I didn’t do anything differently yesterday than I’ve been doing for the past week. If it’s just some blazon unfair fact that I can not lose weight during my period it makes me wonder what would happened if I gave myself a free day. Would I gain 5 pounds? I mean, I actually read 165.5 on Sunday morning. And I didn’t do anything differently. I’ve been flirting in the 1400-1500’s for weeks now. There was nothing unusual going on. And I eat out all the freaking time so that wasn’t it. It was just TOM being mean. Making me doubt my diet, doubt myself.

I’m going for a lifestyle change. It’s all fine and dandy to cut out soft drinks and snacks and normal meals but it won’t last. For a small percentage of people sure they’ll stop one or the other and give it up, never think about a Coke or a piece of bubble gum or eating a full meal but it’s pretty unrealistic to expect it from your average person and more so from an overweight person with a binge problem. If I cut too much I can pretty much guarantee a) it won’t last or b) I’ll cheat and probably binge when I do cheat. I have to fit in a variety of foods into my life. I have to cut back. I have to avoid binging. I have to closely monitor my snacking and keep it at a bare minimum. There are things I can give up and things I can’t. And something’s just don’t need to be in the same room with me or near a desk I bypass regularly.

And I have to exercise or I can forget the whole thing. If I didn’t exercise I would not have an increased metabolism. I would also have a spare hour or so to try to avoid the fridge. I find it works much better to exercise right when I come home. Then cool down, shower, then eat dinner. By then it’s after 7 and I’m not allowed to eat after 7 so I’m done, it’s over, another day past.

My life. Is this it? This is it. The best part of my day is when Aidan falls so deeply asleep on me his head falls back and hangs off the couch. He’s so soft and so heavy on my arm, chest, and shoulder. It’s great. Or when he’s cuddled next to Bella and wraps his paw around her like they’re in love. Makes the whole day worthwhile.

You Say Potato, I Say Loads of Calories

Lunch Buddy must clear desk of all snack items. She has yummy garlic bread pretzel bites (130 calories for 9) and breadsticks (35 calories each). Tootsie Rolls (16 calories each, though rather worth it) still somehow remain downstairs and sadly I’m aware of the fact that they’ve taken on the peppermint flavoring of the mints sharing their container. Sigh. STOP SNACKING! Sigh.

Went out to lunch with Lunch Buddy and Boss Lady. It’s taking way too much energy for me to pick out healthy items so I ordered a Grilled Chicken Baked Potato (sounds healthy, no?) knowing full well it would be a 5 pound potato smothered in Swiss Cheese. And it was, well 2 pounds. With like 5 small grilled chicken pieces. Tried to eat half and didn’t smother with butter. I still feel very full. But that may be the pretzel bites. Those actually taste as good as you think they will, unlike most food. I could eat the whole bag and the determination to stop myself at 9-12 pieces seems pretty good to me. Well ok it doesn’t but go with me on this one.

I can’t believe I’m blowing this week like this. Do I really want a two week period with no weight loss?

Oh shit, just added the calories of my potato. Not good. Potato, 400 calories, Swiss Cheese, ¼ cup (let’s say) 120 calories, butter, 36 calories, chicken, 100 calories = 656 calories. Plus 175 for the pretzels from heaven and the 190 for yogurt, total = 1021, plus tootsie roll, 16 calories = 1037 calories. Ok, I’m still in the game, if I added the potato correctly. Just need a little self-control, some, what do they call that, “maturity” regarding food. I can do that. Sure.

Teetering on the Edge

So at what point is this declared a plateau? Doesn’t a plateau technically involve something outside of your power? I personally think I’m eating too much. It’s a self imposed plateau. I only need to cut a 100 or 200 calories a day, a mere snack, and things would go back to normal. So what am I doing? Why am I freaking out? Why do all the things that made so much sense, talk of eating being a “choice”, etc. now seem so out of my comprehension?

I think I can see where all this is going, I mean I’m only 13.5 pounds from being 150 pounds, which is basically a universally acceptable weight (haven’t you seen “The Bachelor” with Chris O’Donnell?) and even puts me in the healthy weight section of Fitday.com. I can taste it I’m so close. And this scares me. I mean, I want it, I haven’t totally blown the diet. I’m still exercising. It’s just this snack thing, this midafternoon sense of “entitlement” has got to stop.

I have to remember that things don’t taste as good as I think they are going to. And it’s over so fast it doesn’t make it worth it. Yet somehow I’m called to the tootsie rolls someone brought in that are just sitting downstairs. They are beckoning to me. Just one, just have one. Though I’ve already had one. And a Rice Krispy treat. And my job still sucks and the afternoon still sucks. It sits heavy like a thunder-laden sky, which I’ve had enough of too, ok Weather?

Why am I so afraid?

I’ve got to push this away. I have to know I deserve the life I want. I can have the life I want. I have to believe in myself. I can make this happen.

I purchased some new fabric to recover my dining room chairs. I had all the chairs done except the last one that was causing me much distress because the wooden back keeps coming out. I called Mom to tell her I was thinking of just throwing it out. I had 3 other chairs plus the two slip covered parson’s chairs I use at the end. She was like, “You can’t throw it away, you need a full set!” I was like, “I have all these other chairs, I don’t really need it.” She was like, “In a couple years you’re going to have a husband and two kids and you’re going to need that chair! You need a full set.” I was taken aback, me, husband, two kids, at my lonely little dining table (I’ve never even eaten at it). Is this really possible? It seems really bizarre to think I may have a family one day. And it seemed so matter of fact to her. And now I find myself staring at my dining table mouth agape. I’m afraid I may have to move the set to another room. WAY too much pressure.

9 days left as a 30 year old. Then I’ll be like a real thirty-something. No more teetering on the edge. No more “practically a twenty-something.” I’ll be the real deal.

Lunch Menu – Employee Cookout

Hamburger Bun – 123 calories
Hamburger (3 oz) – 246 calories
Catsup (1 T) – 16 calories
Potato Salad (1/2 cup) – 138 calories
Tortilla Chips (10) – 90 calories
Salsa (1/4 cup) – 18 calories
Pickle – free food

Choc Chip Cookie Cake (v small piece) – 100 calories

Total Cookout lunch = 731 calories (hum, so far, nothing's really changed)

Rolling Eyes, Stomping Feet in Dirt

No loss. Fuck. I don’t want to talk about it.

It’s just… last night I’m thinking about the exercise thing. I didn’t exercise on Wednesday, under the 9-11 excuse, I wasn’t going to work out last night because I didn’t feel well (TOM). I wasn’t going to work out today (Friday) because I’ve already made plans to go out. That was going to be 3 days in a row of not working out. I was basically asking myself not to loss any weight this week. So you know what I did? I got on the treadmill only I didn’t stop at a half hour. Oh no. I walked at a fast pace for 1 hour. And why? So I could fight and maybe show a loss this week even if it was .5 that was going to be ok. Just to prove I can in fact lose weight during TOM despite all mother nature’s/God’s best efforts for me to sit around on my ass bloated, cranky, and craving salty sweets. But, ah, it didn’t work. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. I mean, did it even matter last night? I should’ve just sat there. Got my craps all riled up. My body was super pissed at me. And why? To lose NOTHING. Nothing.

Restructuring my diet as of today to knock out sweets I’ve been slowly seeping in. No more items like Rice Krispy treats and Super Blow Pops, M&M’s and Teddy Grahams. Only one unhealthy purchase in my shopping cart a week and NO SNACKING AT WORK. I’m serious. That’s got to stop. I’m going home with 1000 calories under my belt and then eating dinner and a snack. No wonder I keep breaking 1400-1500 calories a day. My calories stop at 1350. That’s it. I’m taking a stand with myself here. You will be healthy. I will stop eating like a seven year old. I’m also going to go back to working out right when I get home. Then there’s no arguments, no trying to talk myself out of it, just come in, change clothes, knock it out, enjoy the rest of your evening. And water. I’m not going to keep drinking diet drinks all day and wonder why I’m thirsty 24-7. If I would just drink it, and get past how much I hate water, maybe I will stop being thirsty all the time.

So there. This is going to be fun.

Nine Aleve and counting…

Ok I’m about to moan and groan some more. It’s either this or skip posting today so here goes…

I’m really sick today. I didn’t want to come into work but am so good at making myself do things I don’t want to do and have little resistance in the morning I was in the shower and out the door before you could say, “What’s Boss Lady’s home phone number?”

I’m at work checking my sick days on Lunch Buddy’s chart and Boss Lady walks out all in a flurry, “You can’t take off! You have to be here tomorrow!” So I’ve been just sitting here, feeling really sick and really, desperately wanting to take off tomorrow. Will ask Boss Lady before I leave just for kicks.

And I have to go grocery shopping after work. I’m out of yogurt and little bags for the kitty litter. I’ve been using expensive freezer bags for two days now. I draw the line at running out of breakfast food. I must have active yeast cultures. Girl’s gotta live!

I spent the evening watching Nine-Eleven specials, like I had a choice. ABC had on survivors who were way up in the tower and how they got out. Then over on CBS they reaired the documentary by the French dudes, the one where he’s in the lobby and you can hear the bodies dropping. So I dreamt last night of what felt like the whole night that I was trapped in the Trade Towers and had to escape. Not fun. Then up at 4 am with rip-roaring cramps that somehow miraculously Aleve helped within ½ hour. So I’m hoping to cure my Nine-Eleven nightmares with a 2 hour special on Big Brother tonight. I hope it’s a good booster shot because I NEED IT.

Lunch Menu Today – Hotdog Stand

Hotdog with chili - 300 calories
¼ cup slaw (like they could get that much on a hotdog) – 50 calories
Baked Chips – 140 calories
Pickle spear – free food

Total = 490 calories

Stress Factors – Nine Eleven and Me

I think they may be on to something with that 9-11 stress thing. I got to a point last year where I just couldn’t watch anymore. I’m still at that place. I haven’t forgotten or put it away, it just hurts too much, it makes me so sad, that I have to push it away. And for the past week it’s been all over the place and I’ve been crying again. So maybe after today passes things will return to some sense of normalcy. It’s also very difficult wondering when the other shoe will fall or what’s going to happen next. That heightened awareness and level of fear isn’t healthy and isn’t what America is about. I don’t like these level of securities that make us so uneasy and what can we really do? What do we gain by being in this heightened state. All it does is stress everyone out. Or worse, like when you constantly issue hurricane warnings or tornado warnings, people stop listening and stop being prepared.

Sometimes I feel we’re bombing for the sake of bombing. I wish that instead of bombing a bunch of dirt and rocks and mountains they should have sent in special units to find Osama or those responsible. It’s like when you find a roach in your house. You can come bomb my house all day with bug spray but until I see the dead roach, more than likely he’ll be seen again. But that’s what men do, one little squirt of Raid, run for cover and tell the ladies he’s dead, and he's never dead.

Bush has hardly solved a thing.

Then again, that’s probably my Hollywood mentality speaking. Send some dude in with a bunch of gadgets and he’ll come out with Osama in handcuffs. Yeah, right.

Lunch Today

Quick jaunt to Subway for a turkey sub and baked chips.

6” turkey on very dry Parmesan Oregano Bread – 297 calories
Includes: lettuce, tomato, green peppers, pickles, salt and pepper
No cheese, mayo, or oil and vinegar
Baked Sour Cream Chips – 140 calories

Total – 437 calories

Exercise Suggestions

I’m totally aware that exercise gets boring as all get out and one should rotate their exercise. The thing to keep in mind is I don’t really like any form of exercise. Yoga sounds great but isn’t a cardio workout. I have to do something that increases my heartrate and makes me sweat. I’m also of the opinion that running is really not all that great for you. It’s very hard on your joints, knees and so forth. And that's for thin people. Imagine with the extra weight too. Most runners that I know wear braces and stuff and I’d rather avoid all that and be the type of person who doesn’t need braces to get through the day. I'm nursing an achy knee today just from walking last night. I have from time to time sprinted for short periods of time when I’m being lazy and walking too slow because it’ll race my heart and I’ll end up walking faster. I also suck at running and have floppy boobs even with a bra and jogging bra I can feel them stretching and being slung around like pizza dough and I’m avoiding that National Geographic look for the time being. I can come up with some more lame excuses, just give me some more time...

Why Has No One Named a Roller Coaster "Premenstrual Syndrome?"

I’m feeling hungrier lately. I hope it passes. I broke 1500 calories yesterday. I even had a small bag of M&Ms. WTF? TOM? I know better than that. They weren’t even good.

It just seems harder lately. I hate to work out. It’s a constant battle with myself the moment I get home. Work out now? Work out later? I’m kind of hungry. Maybe eat first. Then work out after digestion in an hour or so. Wow, this couch is comfortable. Kitties are both nestled with me. How can I possibly get up now? Trade with Friday? JUST FUCKING DO IT! FINE! WHATEVER! Storms off to bedroom to redress.

Yeah, that’s about how it goes. Is this how it’s supposed to be? I thought I was supposed to like working out after a while. I hate it more and more as each day goes. And why? What’s the purpose? What am I trying to gain here? Is this all to be a size 8? To date again? To get hurt again? I don’t know what I want. I guess I have 30 odd pounds to think about it.

Good Lord This Sandwich is Good

I was doing great at the Christian bookstore cafe until Lunch Buddy gets a lemon seed stuck in her straw and blows it out squirting me with lemon juice. “Good Lord,” I exclaimed in a Christian Café without meaning to. Could’ve been worse. There are worse things to say. You know you’re thinkin’ it.

I decided to choose the Build Your Own Sandwich option and ordered turkey on wheat with lettuce tomato and a splurge of brie. I love brie but sometimes brie has a strong aftertaste. I haven’t quite determined what gives it this flavor but I had this sort of brie on my sandwich. The turkey was BBQ flavored, which I wasn’t expecting and overpowered the rest of the flavors. The “wheat” option bread turned out to be a Multigrain sub roll. Their potato salad rocks. The sandwich is much better with roast beef.

Build Your Own Sandwich – Turkey and Brie

Multigran bun – 160 cals
Turkey (4 oz) – 150 cals
Lettuce/Tomato – Free Food
Brie (3 cubic inches, but sliced) – 170 cals
Potato Salad (1/2 cup) - 160 cals

Total – 640 calories

Aunt Visits

Our NYC trip was touted as the beginning of a tradition of the three generations of girls tryin’ to get together and try not to get lost/mugged. I was initially against moving beyond having yearly trips to NYC and branching out to include other areas of the world but then I got excited after reading Fish-Bicycle’s exploits with her mother in Europe and would love to see my aunt stick her head out of a cab in France yelling to snotty French-people, “I’m in France!” I suggested with glee that perhaps we should go to Paris next year. This is mother’s reaction without the slightest hesitation:

“Fly over the ocean!?”

Oh geez. I may never return to Europe. Such a bummer.

Aunt came to visit yesterday to spend the day by the pool. Of course that called for an overcast day, little did I know at the time there’s a potential hurricane headed our way. My mother told her to dive into the pool and the water won’t feel so cold. She dived in like a normal younger sister and came up exclaiming, “you lied!” Mom chuckles. Sisters.

Aunt wants to return to NYC. She didn’t get to see the whole city in 2 ½ days. Looks like we will return and see 2 plays next time (Grandmother pushing for 3 but Mom is drawing the line), probably including cheesy Disney-type play (Diet Chick’s big toe drawing in sand), and more sight-seeing. Aunt wants to move to West Village. I find this amusing because she’s currently living in a very small town. You don’t expect a girl with acreage to want to move to Manhattan.

After 2 days of eating at Wild Flour my weight got pissed and is fighting back. Of course it could be TOM, I keep forgetting about his vast destructive patterns. Tried their Chowder of the Sea (named something like that) and got a huge bowl. Ate the whole thing and started feeling queasy. I actually ate too much. The first time since started this diet. I got a little panicky, which further upset my stomach. I felt better by the following morning and when we took my Aunt out to lunch and ended back at Wild Flour again. I tried to play it safe by sharing ½ sandwich with my Aunt but it was enormously huge (even 1/2 ) on large piece of burnt focaccia bread. I ate the top half only and the chicken with a fork. I guess it was still too much. And not even very good. Maybe just looking at the blueberry muffins caused the calories to seep in through my skin.

Lunch Menu
Started craving Wendy's Mandarin Chicken Salad around 9:30 a.m. Lunch buddy thought it was a great idea. I'm starting to feel more and more like the Cathy cartoon. Maybe her frizzy blonde side-kick. Wendy's is getting worse and worse about including all components of this salad. Today they tried to not give me the oriental noodles or the roasted almonds. What's the freaking point of the salad. The lettuce quality is getting worse too. The first Mand-Sal I got was very fresh (though they forgot the noodles). I got one last week where the lettuce was very brown. Today the 1/4 cup of teaser Fancy Salad Mix was a little limp to say the least. The iceberg lettuce was fine. This salad really has virtually no nutritional value. Sucks having a 620 calorie craving.

Wendy's Mandarin Salad
Salad Mix - 150 calories
Roasted Almonds - 130 calories
Oriental Noodles - 60 calories
Oriental Dressing - 280 calories

Total 620 calories (FYI: Lunch Buddy's Taco Salad has 670 calories)

She’ll Be Comin’ Over the Mountain

Yes, 34.5 pounds lost is the half way point and I’m 35.5. I’m on the other side of the hill now, whoo hoo. I’ve been trying to make a list of all the things that have improved at the half way point:

• Mom says I’m beautiful and don’t need to lose another pound. I really like this.
  
• I can wear my 36B bras though I still like my 38C bra because the straps are more substantial.
  
• Underwear does not roll down in the front.
  
• I can wear sleeveless tops and the pictures don’t disgust me
  
• Size 14 sheath that felt like Saran Wrap at my brother’s graduation feels like a giant t-shirt now.
  
• My once skin tight “can’t breath, please get help” size 14 capris are baggy baggy baggy.
  
• I can wear clothing at boutique stores, size Large, but I can still wear them, I just can’t afford them (though I got this Laundry boat neck tee for ½ off)
  
• Not as tired
  
• No backaches
  
• Have gotten loads of compliments from girls (heard nothing from a boy) who’ve seen me
  
• My metabolism seems pretty good (this week anyway)
  
• Tummy seems flatter, can wear shorter shirts
  
• Starts to feel normal eating like I do and binging not normal
  
• Proud of my shopping cart at the grocery store
  
• Can wear size 12, except those damn Banana Republic pants are still a little too tight
  
• Haven’t noticed legs sticking together when walking, but it’s not as hot so it’s hard to tell
  

Lunch Menu

Lunch Buddy and I got salads from the incredible salad bar at Lowe’s Food. It was just last week that I said, “They should really offer some bread,” because not everyone likes crackers. I think they’re a waste of perfectly fine calories. And whatdya know they now have yeast rolls… and German chocolate cake and Pound Cake. I commented, “That’s just mean.” Last week they had such delicacies as Strawberries and Blueberries, now it’s left over Birthday Cakes. I didn’t get any bread but we did get some of those New York Style Bagel Chips (Sea Salt). Lunch Buddy is a bad influence because I love bagel chips, I can eat a whole bag in a sit down, and you get 3 for 130 calories. I had 5.25. Dammit. Anyway…

Salad Bar Lunch
Packet of Ranch - 220 cals
Lettuce, Tomato, Green Peppers, Red Cabbage, Carrots (free foods)
Croutons (only need a little for taste) - 50 cals
Sunflower Seeds (only a little bit) - 50 cals
Turkey (2 oz) - 75 cals
Bagel Chips - 225 cals
Coleslaw (1/4 cup) - 50 cals

Total 670 calories and it took forever to eat it, which I love.

The Plan

Ok two things today:

I’ve been getting some emails regarding my diet plan and I know it’s floating around in my archives somewhere but I just thought I’d list it again for those who are curious.

I’m counting calories. I try to keep my calories around 1200 but it’s ok to go up to 1400. I even had a 1500 calorie day that so far hasn’t screwed me up. I was hesitant being more in the 1300s but my metabolism is handling it quite well, I just throw a 1200 calorie day in there for good measure.

I eat a small breakfast, usually Yoplait Custard Yogurt (Strawberry). I eat a small dinner, usually a cup of pasta with ½ cup marinara sauce (50-60 calories, I like Classico Sun-Dried Tomato). I may sprinkle 3 Tablespoons of Shredded Parmesan. It’s very good this way. A “normal” dinner of pasta would be like 2 cups pasta, 1 cup sauce, bread, butter, salad, dressing… so you can see by only have a small serving of pasta I save a bunch of calories. If I’m dying for food I may snack on Smart Pop (150 calories for the whole bag), or Snackwells Devil’s Food Cookies (50 calories each), or Skinny Cow icecream cookies (130 calories each). Instead of pasta I may grill some chicken or turkey breast on my George Foreman Grill and have a piece of toast or make some Egg Beaters or something. Whatever, as long as it’s small. Lunch is my big meal. I go out practically everyday with Lunch Buddy. We eat from fastfood to little girlie sandwich places, cafes, hot dog stands, to sit down restaurants. I usually eat between 600-800 calories for lunch.

On the weekends it’s a little different because I usually don’t go out to eat anywhere and I become a grazer. I’ll eat about 5 mini-meals and my calories are usually gone by 6 pm, if not earlier. I get worried on the weekends but my resolve somehow comes through and I stop myself once the calories are gone.

I exercise 5 days a week. I walk on the treadmill for ½ hour Tuesday – Thursday and Saturday and Sunday. My treadmill says I’m walking between 3.0 and 3.2 but I think it varies among machines and my treadmill was very very cheap so it may not display the correct speed. I walk fast enough to barely be able to hold a conversation but not out of breath. I also lift 2 pound dumbbells. Over the shoulder lifts, Curls, and Behind the head lifts (not sure technical names). I do 3 sets of 15 each. I’m so lazy I do this as I first start the treadmill (it takes 5 minutes) to combine exercises.

I keep a diet journal with everything I eat listed and calories added. I’m very careful to be aware of serving size. I prefer things individually packaged. When I get a salad from the grocery salad bar I buy a packet of dressing. This way I don’t use too much and I know exactly how many calories I’m consuming.

I know there are certain trigger foods I can’t have in the house. I can’t buy large size tubs of icecream. The sandwich things are fine because I can’t mess with myself over serving size. I’ve seen packages for 16 icecream sandwiches in a pack. I would never buy that just in case I go into a binge. Having only 6 on hand is quite enough. I don’t buy pizza because I know I can eat the whole thing or get sick trying. I will on occasion order a slice of pizza for lunch. I don’t buy chips either. I’ll eat chips at Subway or anywhere that sells them individually but no large bags for me. Everyone has different trigger foods, if any. You know what you go for when you’ve had a bad day.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is eating out. I’ve read on a couple blogs, Laura and Fat Girl mentioning they think they can't eat out if they are dieting. Well, I eat out pretty much everyday and it’s not always a sad dry chicken breast by any means. I’ve decided, and I hope I don’t bore the pants off everyone, to include my lunch menu on the list for a while so people can see what you can eat when you go out to eat. Just keep in mind, lunch is my big meal and takes up around ½ my daily calories.

If anyone has any questions regarding dieting, eating out, or whatever, please leave a comment or email me. Leave your website address if you have one and if it’s obvious you’re not spamming me and if I post about your email I’ll link to you.

Lunch today:

We ate at Honey Baked Ham. I always get the same thing here though Lunch Buddy’s Ham and Wild Rice soup looked very good. I’ve heard those bread soup bowls are unbelievably high in calories though (like eating a load of bread) so be careful if you get soup not to get the bread bowl.

I had the Club, I think it’s called the Smoke House Club, no mayonnaise, no cheese, light on the honey mustard. It has 3 slices of bread (and when I try to take one off I always munch on it so now I just leave it on) ham, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato. The honey mustard is very sweet, the best part of the sandwich. I meant to pick off extraneous bacon, one slice in a sandwich is plenty, but I forgot. There must not have been that much on there or I would have noticed so maybe 2 strips tops. It comes with a small bag of chips (150 cals). And they have really good unsweet iced tea that I load up with lemon squeezes and Sweet and Low. I try to eat half the sandwich and save the other half but I’ve eaten here about 10 times and always finish the sandwich immediately upon returning to work.

Smoke House Club from Honey Baked Ham Cafe
3 slices of bread = 210 calories
Ham = 140 calories
Turkey = 110 calories
Honey Mustard = 50 calories
Bacon = 66 calories
Chips = 150 calories

Total = 726 calories

(I should really drop that 3rd piece of bread.)

God This Chicken Sandwich is Good!

Much like people who write, "diet wise", I don't like it when people write and say they were too busy to write. I had every intention of writing a very good post today totally on a diet wise type topic but I got so busy the day slipped away from me. And unfortunately I sit at home with full belly (well you couldn't call it "full", I'd say post-dinner-digesting, or "otherwise engaged") and cursing the treadmill I'll be on in 15 minutes. I can hardly think of a post.

Why is it when all you want to do is wash a kitty's back paws, cause he was stupid enough to go to the litter after playing in the bathtub, he freaks out like you're trying to kill him. He ends up wet all over and you're trying to keep your temper in check saying, "you're ok, I'm not hurting you" over and over as he digs his back claws in you and screams bloody murder, a sound you've never heard from this cat. Now he stinks like a wet dog and I'm bleeding... again!

I had lunch today with lunch buddy at this Christian bookstore cafe. I always find myself saying "Jesus Christ" in a place like this, not meaning to but it just comes out when you're trying to be on your best behavior and not giggle over jesus fish shaped mints. I wanted to nudge lunch buddy and point rudely at the mints but she was already talking about bible covers for Christmas.

But the food, ah, heavenly. It's my new favorite lunch place. One of those places you want to go to everyday until you try everything that looks good. Lunch buddy always mentions how good the desserts are and they look really great. She mentioned we should have a dessert lunch one day. I said maybe at goal weight, and again, like saying, "God!" in a Christian cafe, it just spilled out, I'm trying to keep my diet very low key. She asked, "what's your goal weight?" I said, "130." She said very keenly and politely (good way to find out a chick's weight, "how much more do you have to go?" Feeling suckered into sharing WAY too much, "30something." She says, "Oh I'd be thin as a rail at 130. I'd poof into the atmosphere and be gone."

I tried to explain my dilemma of The Size Eight Closet but knowing me for about 2 years and never seeing much but my drabby big girl clothes I don't think she's entirely convinced that I have a sense of style beyond black baggy pants and v-neck white t-shirts. And how much of that stuff is out of style anyway. I mean Mariah decides to cut off the top of her pants and next thing you know the old low cut is the new high cut. Sigh.

So I'm late for the treadmill but I just wanted to mention that I am 1/2 way to goal as of Monday. Of course just posting that should screw up the scale by Friday. Just scratch that. I never said it.

Ummm, celery tastes good. Yummy.