Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 26

I didn't even realize this was possible but I only had 2 weigh ins in between TOM weigh ins.  And now I'm up 1.8 pounds this week.  This is my biggest gain ever since I started and it's really depressing.  Plus I haven't been weighing myself because of TOM so it was a big shock.  And it just snowballs from here. Not only is my weekly weigh in up but it affects my 6 month weigh in today and my March weigh in tomorrow.  It screws up everything.

There's not much I can do about it so I just have to keep going.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 25!

Wow, week 25!  I've been doing this a while now.

It was a really good week.  I've been feeling like my weight loss has been crawling.  Even though I lost 2.8 pounds last week, when you adjust the number to account for my gain during my period week, I only lost 1.2 both weeks.  My average per week has gone down A LOT.  I was averaging about 10 pounds a month and now I think I'm at 6 or even less than that.  I had to up my calories a little, I was just too hungry and I didn't think I'd be able to go long term with that sort of hunger.  I was around 1000, or less than 1000 calories and it was hard, no joke.  Now I'm trying for 1100 but I'm usually just shy of 1200 and I'm okay with that even with my weight loss slowing (per month).

But this week was really good!

Although I've got a long way to go, a lot of clothes have become an issue.  My bras fit very funny, they curl out on the side.  I was trying to make it until I could buy bras from somewhere besides Lane Bryant but I gave in last week and ordered a couple new bras.  I also went down a size in underwear.  My underwear were hanging off of me, I think I lost all my weight in my butt because I lost ZERO inches last month but my underwear hangs like a droopy diaper.

I ordered some clothes from Old Navy in XXL.  I was a 2X in Women's Sizes so this is a pretty big leap for me.  Everything I ordered was too big.  I think the time has come and I have to physically go into a store to shop for clothes.  The day of the Oscar Party we went to Belks to shop for a dress because all my dresses are too big now and the mall was about to shut down so I had one shot and couldn't really find anything, fancy dresses are expensive for one thing, I'm not buying a $200 dress for an evening at my house, and a lot of things didn't fit me in size 18.  So I thought because of that XXL was probably my size.  That said, Old Navy runs larger than other places.  In any case, I now have to physically try on clothes in a store until something fits me.  I ordered a dress from J Crew in XXL and it was too big in the arm holes, that's been like my biggest issue, and I returned it.  I didn't feel like the rest of the dress was too large but maybe it was, that was like 3 weeks ago anyway.

So it's kind of exciting and frustrating when I can't get something to fit and my budget is an issue and I'm still going so I don't want to waste too much money.  Also my rings haven't fit in a while now so I haven't been wearing my rings and I miss them a lot.  I don't really know what to do about this.  I don't want to resize them twice and I was thinking about at least getting an interim ring from a thrift store or something.  I'm still thinking on that one.

This is a weird place to be.  I've lost a lot of weight but I'm still very overweight.  It's just weird.  I know I'm thinner, there's physical evidence, but in my head I don't feel any different.  Like I'm dreading shopping in Old Navy.  I'm afraid they'll look at my tags when I go to try something on and scoff.  I want to wear a sign that says I don't know what size I am!!!

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 23

Despite this week being the least amount of weight I've ever gained during TOM, it's been an incredibly frustrating week.  It's true I'm dealing with some stress and anxiety but mostly it's so frustrating to be so close to 50 pounds (I was .2 pounds away) and then be unable to stop yourself from gaining weight and maintaining that gain for days, many days.  And even now it feels out of my control.  History shows that I have a great loss the week after TOM so I'm just hanging in there for that.  I'm so tired of treading water.  I know it's the nature of it but I hate it.  I need momentum.

I think a silver lining is necessary and I'm down 6 pounds since my last TOM weigh in, that's something.  It's not like A LOT but it's a big deal.  I need to hold on to that.

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Weigh In - Week 22

I would have liked to see a bigger number this week, which sounds like a complaint, but it's not.  I'm happy the scale is at least going in the right direction.  

I also updated my monthly stats, I'm not entirely happy with my February progress.  That said I entered Onderland and I continue to lose weight so I'm not like crazy upset or anything, I would just like to see at least 8 pounds a month.  

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Weigh In - Week 21

I crossed a major milestone this week - I'm now in Onederland.  I have a very long way to go but there was a part of me that didn't think this was even possible, that I needed to accept my fate and my size and try not to think about it.  But I just decided to try and see what would happen.  I still feel like I'm just beginning my journey, which is a weird feeling, being 21 weeks into something, but I'm committed for the long haul.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 19

Wonk-Wonk.  TOM strikes again.  I should be upset but my weight was actually higher yesterday. It doesn't look like I'm going to make my goal of being in Onederland by Valentine's Day but I gave it my best effort.  There's just not much I can do during TOM.  I do the same thing I do every other week and can't stop the gain.  Next week will be better.